


Love Yourself

by shayzgirl



Series: more than padding [2]
Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) RPF
Genre: M/M, acceptance of weight gain, pudge love, small eating disorder issue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-05
Updated: 2012-03-05
Packaged: 2017-11-01 12:49:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/356987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shayzgirl/pseuds/shayzgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James lets his insecurities get the best of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to ‘Tender Loving Care’ and still takes place within James filming Filth.

They were a few months into filming when pictures from set hit the public. James tried to be calm with it, he knew what some people would say. Didn’t stop him from spending his one day off reading things online. On one forum, people were insisting it was padding, that he hadn’t gained weight, it was all fake and people were not only believing it but gladly so because they didn’t want to think of James as fat. Frustrated, James slammed his laptop closed, turning away from it with a scowl. He skipped lunch that day, opting to take a long walk to and around the nearest park. By the time he returned home, Michael was there and making dinner. James didn’t bother saying hello, just ducked into the bathroom for a quick shower.   


  
Michael knew James was upset, but he’d learned that if James wanted to talk he’d be the one to instigate it and that pushing him would only upset him more. It didn’t stop him from being worried, especially when James only picked at his dinner.   
  
“Did you have a nice walk?” Michael asked, tired of the silence between them.  
  
“Don’t patronise me,” James replied.  
  
He stood up and stormed out of the room. Michael shook his head and followed after him.  
  
“I’m not,” he said, “Talk to me.”  
  
“There’s nothing to talk about.”  
  
“James…”  
  
“No, Michael. You don’t know. You can’t even begin to understand. You’ve never had anyone criticise you for being even a little chubby. Hell, most of your fans think you’re perfect the way you are! No one ever says anything about your damn weight and yet almost every fucking article about me makes some mention to my weight, especially if I’m a bit chubby. Hell, I was even called chubby in an article about First Class. So, you… you don’t get to say anything to me.”  
  
Michael didn’t know what to say so he only watched as James grabbed a jacket and stormed out the door, slamming it behind him. It wasn’t until later that he realised James had taken his jacket, the one he usually kept his smokes in. James still wasn’t home when Michael finally gave up and went to bed. He woke up alone and it was obvious that James had slept on the couch. His jacket was back on the hook by the door, but his smokes were no longer in the pocket. There was no evidence of James having had breakfast and it worried Michael because he had no idea when James had eaten last after only picking at his dinner.   
  
James stood off set, smoking another cigarette. He’d had to purchase his own pack after smoking the rest of Michael’s the night before while taking another walk. He’d been a bit sore that morning, but he’d gone to set anyway not wanting to see Michael as long as possible. He knew his actions the night before would mean that Michael wouldn’t let him be this time and James didn’t want to deal with it. He was starting to wish they were already filming in Scotland so he’d have an excuse to get away for a while. He knew, as he took a long drag off his cigarette, that running from his problems wasn’t the answer, but he just didn’t want to deal with it anymore. Almost felt like he didn’t want to be himself anymore.   
  
“Hey, you okay?” Jamie asked, coming to stand next to him.  
  
“Yeah,” James replied.  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
James glared at him.  
  
“That’s your fourth cigarette in two hours. And earlier you were glaring at my bagel like it had caused you a personal injustice,” Jamie replied.  
  
“I’m fine. Just a little tired,” James replied.  
  
Jamie looked at him but didn’t say anything more. James finished his cigarette and they were called back to set.   
   
He skipped lunch again and instead took a nap in his trailer.   
  
Michael wasn’t home when he finally made his way there, so he took the opportunity to make up the bed in the guest room. He was already holed up in it when Michael returned. Michael made dinner anyway, knocking at the door to let James know before eating by himself.   
  
Two more days passed like this, James avoiding Michael and Michael eating and sleeping alone. On the fourth day, James was sent home early, the director and others concerned about him. Michael was waiting for him, Jamie having text him to make sure James made it home.   
  
“I don’t want to talk,” James said.  
  
“We need to. You can’t keep avoiding me,” Michael replied.  
  
“I can and I will.”  
  
James started to head towards the hall leading to the bedrooms. Michael grabbed his arm.  
  
“James, please. I’m worried about you,” he said.  
  
“Well, don’t. I’m fine,” James replied, trying to pull out of Michael.  
  
“When was the last time you ate?”  
  
James started to reply, a lie already on his tongue, but the look on Michael’s face stopped him. Michael already knew whatever he was about to say would be a lie. James shouldn’t have been lying to him and so he didn’t.   
  
“I… Michael,” he said.  
  
Tears welled in his eyes and before he could say more, he started crying and Michael was holding him. James sobbed against Michael’s shoulder, afraid to speak or move and let Michael hold him.   
  
“You’re perfect. I know you don’t always believe it, but you are. You’re perfect to me and I love you, all of you. Even on the days you hate yourself, I still love you,” Michael said.  
  
His arms held James tight against him, one hand rubbing his back while the other held firmly around his waist, against the curves there.   
  
“I don’t… I don’t deserve you,” James muttered, his grip on Michael tightening.  
  
“Yes, you do,” Michael replied.  
  
James tried to chuckle at that, but it came out another sob. He knew he was emotionally and physically drained, having not eaten anything in days.   
  
“I… Michael, I’m so hungry,” he said, clinging to Michael as he tried not to sob again.  
  
“Let’s get you some food then,” Michael said.  
  
James nodded, loosening his grip on Michael so the other man could move and help him over to the table. He sat down, leaning a bit on the table, while Michael looked down at him.  
  
“I’m okay,” James reassured, leaning into Michael’s touch on his shoulder.  
  
Michael smiled, going over to the fridge and pulling out one of the many leftovers he’d put away when James wasn’t eating dinner. After popping it into the microwave, he went back to James and sat next to him.  
  
“You scared me,” he said, reaching over to hold James’ hand.  
  
“I am so sorry,” James replied, gripping Michael’s hand.  
  
“I know. And I know that I haven’t been where you are, but I have my own insecurities,” Michael replied.  
  
James nodded, looking at the table instead of Michael.  
  
“Hey, have I told you lately how many times I’ve actually wished I didn’t have a penis?” Michael asked, squeezing James’ hand.  
  
“Well, it would be a shame if you didn’t,” James chuckled, looking at Michael again.  
  
“You,” Michael said, shaking his head with a laugh.  
  
James grinned.  
  
“I love you,” Michael said.  
  
“I love you, too, and I’m so sorry,” James replied.  
  
“I know.”  
  
Michael held James hand in both of his, running his thumbs over the knuckles.   
  
“I feel like I should do something to make it up to you,” James said.  
  
“You can eat and come to bed with me,” Michael replied.  
  
“Okay.”  
  
Michael smiled at him.   
   
Michael watched James eat and James found it was easier to eat because he knew Michael wasn’t judging him, just taking care of him. After eating, they curled up together in bed, Michael holding him and rubbing his tummy.  
  
“Better?” Michael asked.  
  
James nodded, smiling as Michael kissed the top of his head.  
  
“Good,” Michael said.  
  
James closed his eyes, as one of Michael’s hands found its way under his shirt.  
  
“What are you doing?” James chuckled.  
  
“Loving you,” Michael replied.  
  
James smiled as Michael moved them, so James was on his back and Michael was kneeling over him. Michael kissed him, using it as a distraction as he began to take James’ shirt off.   
  
“Michael,” James protested.  
  
“Shh.”  
  
James sighed, as Michael leaned down and began to trail kisses along his stomach.  
  
“Stop that,” Michael said, as James started to suck in his gut a bit.  
  
“But…”  
  
“No. You’re beautiful.”  
  
James smiled. Michael continued to kiss various sections of James’ stomach, while his hands caressed and massaged the soft, curves and plump flesh. James shivered as Michael kissed just above his belly button.   
  
“I meant it. I love all of you. I hope one day you can love yourself like I love you,” Michael said.  
  
“I hope so, too.”  
  
Michael grinned and kissed him. James laughed when Michael kissed each of his cheeks and his forehead.  
  
“I love you,” he said.  
  
“I love you, too,” Michael replied.  
   
The next morning, they ate breakfast together, pancakes with scrambled eggs and bacon. James ate every bite, even using his thumb to clean the remaining syrup off the plate.


End file.
